Heather L. Barmore
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Heather L. Barmore
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Heather Barmore
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    Change In Action at Babble Voices

    Friday
    Sep302005

    Sleepiness Begets This...

    So much for being "prolific". This is all you're gettin' today...

    A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
    While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
    Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
    God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days
    to
    live."
    Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
    face-lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more
    time to live, she figured she might as well look nicer.
    After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
    crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an
    ambulance.
    Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
    another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that
    ambulance?"
    God replied: "GirrLLLLLL..., I didn't even recognize you.

    Oh wait, and this...cause babies are cool. And tonight Drinx with some really hot boys. Oh and lots of Bethesda-ness tomorrow...as in Taste of Bethesda and Trader Joe's and maybe Dunkin' Donuts.
    Thursday
    Sep292005

    My Butterfly


    "Show me a man with a tattoo and I'll show you a man with an interesting past." ~Jack London

    For some reason around the age of 12 I was an avid Real World watcher, hell, I still am. And maybe because of my Real World obsession I made a point to a) be on the Real World (got three years and 1 month until the cut off) and b) to get my tongue pierced. Whenever I mentioned either, Peg would give me the disgusted, why the hell would you do that? Look. To this day, I am unable to point to a specific reason for why I would want my tongue pierced, since that was the one I knew would be more easily attainable. I’m one determined chick, so please don’t try to stop me.

    Upon my acceptance into American, I was placed (forced is the word I use though) into a program for minority students, so that they could become more easily adjusted to a new environment. What-the fuck-ever. I sulked and moved to DC the day after graduation, at the tender age of 17. My first foray into adult life. I had new friends and my New York State ID, which I ‘chalked’ with red, white, and black colored pencil. I was the only one in my summer program able to drink at clubs. I was a freaking rock star!

    So I’m 17 with an ID that says that I’m 20 (almost 21) and I’m away from my parents. One day my roommate Denise decides that she wants a tattoo. At the same time, my friend Kenya decides that she wants her tongue pierced. Perfect timing, I’m getting’ my tongue pierced (I also had $200 burning a hole in my pocket). One weekend, we head to Adam’s Morgan, I’ve got my ID, although it had been smudging a little and Denise was ready to get her tattoo. We go in, I’m in the chair, I stick out my tongue, put my tongue to the roof of my mouth….Wouldn’t you know, I have a honking huge bright blue vein in the middle of my tongue. My piercer (is that a word?) tells me that if he nicks the vein, I will bleed to death, no if ands or buts about it. He knew a guy though, who could attempt it. Ummm Fuck no. I went home teary eyed and pissed. Now what?

    Two weeks later, five of us head to Georgetown, I’ve found my “now what?”; a tattoo. Not sure what yet, I don’t think it really mattered, I just wanted someway to deface my body. I told you, I’m determined. I pace the parlor looking at the different designs. The tattoo artist accompanies me, to tell me how feasible the stuff I want is. Because I’m black, a lot of colors won’t show up very well. Ok fine. So what do I chose? A butterfly. A fucking butterfly. On the inside of my right ankle (so that no one in my future can see it. Also so that my parents can’t kill me right away). Bad ass. I know.

    The next week, with my new and awesome tattoo (which wasn’t painful at all, except when the needle neared my shin bone), I phoned Peg.
    “I have something to tell you and you won’t be happy”
    “What’s wrong?”
    “Just something”
    “Are you sick? Are you pregnant?”
    "Yeah mom, I'm pregnant. It's immaculate conception"
    "Then what is it??"
    "I got a tattoo"
    “Oh My God! Don’t scare me like that”

    For a woman that said she’d be disappointed if I got a tattoo she didn’t sound too upset. Just happy that I hadn’t gotten pregnant. For months I was pretty freaking proud of that thing, I could hide it then flash it when I wanted to.

    It’s been a little over four years since I got my butterfly. 1) Who gets a freaking butterfly? 2) Who gets a freaking butterfly on their ankle, when they refuse to wear stockings, like ever?
    3) What kind of mother permits her child to get a tattoo and then not put the fear of Jesus in her child, to prevent her from doing stupid things like getting tattoos?

    Eh, at least she’s not disappointed in me. Let’s just keep her from finding out that I’ve done much worse. Wouldn’t you like to know.
    Thursday
    Sep292005

    Awake

    "I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet." ~Joanne Sherman

    *It’s morning (10 AM to be exact) and as of late, they haven’t been my best times. I’ve done my routine, have my Awake tea in front of me. But fuck, as of late, no time has been my best time, but I put on my happy face and act like everything is wonderful. How’s work? Great! How’s the living situation? Great! How have you been? Fucking fantastic!

    Lies, all lies.

    In all honesty, everything is fine really. Nothing is actually wrong, nothing bad has happened. It’s all normal same shit different day. Day in and day out. I had my weekend high, which was fabulous, but still, I’m stuck in a rut. It blows and leaves me feeling so incredibly uncreative and having a most difficult time getting up in the morning. You’d be shocked to learn though that I’ve been awaking at 6:15 AM to run and I’ve been on the “program” (which means that French fries, except for the five I had yesterday, have not been a part of my diet. Great, I know. But still, I’m just so blah.

    Part of me finds that it has something to do with every other year, for the past 17 years, September comes and a new year starts with new shit happening everyday. That was the beauty of it all, so much happened in one day, that you can’t keep your head straight. There were vacations and midterms and finals and parties to look forward to. Shit, even the thought of my birthday was more exciting in years past than it has been this year. Every other year I’ve been that much closer to driving, or being able to vote or drinking, and now there’s not a damn thing to look forward to, oh wait, I can rent a car in a year. Woo Hoo!

    I guess I could say ‘no pasa nada’ to it all and let it roll off my back. This too shall pass. But seriously a change needs to come, and soon. Like say if I were to meet everyone on Wisteria Lane, I’d be one happy happy girl.

    *Addendum: Then coworkers crack my shit up (seriously I need a video camera) and all is right with the world. Same shit, but I should be thankful it's a nice calm same shit I feel.