"Life never tires of testing the proposition that life must go on."~Robert Brault
Everyday someone asks how I’m doing. They say it gently as if I am sitting on their couch and at the end I will offer up the standard $125 for an hour of their time. There is a gentle touch of my arm because it will be OK. Every time I say, “I’M FINE! REALLY!” with over-exuberance not because it is a front but because I am fine. Really. Last week I saw a friend and his first thought was, “You look so…GREAT” and I am genuinely great as i embark on a new phase of my life.
All that to say that his week I have had it up to here with life (just imagine my hand about a foot above my head right now). By Wednesday I was like, EFF THIS NOISE. And then I tried to find a five year old who might want to trade places. Dear parents of the world: I will gladly take a nap and eat all of my green beans and go to bed even though it’s still light out. ADOPT ME.
My friend Roo does a weekly series called, “This is How I feel”. Yesterday I was like, ‘Yo, Roo. Let me holler at you. I’m going to borrow your series just this week because the insanity of the last five days can only be explained via GIFs” and she was like, “Go for it!”. So, here goes. I promise it will not be nearly as funny as anything Roo does because I am not funny but at least you will have a visual depiction of the ups and downs of my week:
The week started off fine enough. I love my friends and I want to wrap them up in a giant hug and I love them. Love. How many times can I fit love in a sentence?
But then I was distracted from the love-fest because Internet Drama.
And then the Internet Drama continued and I was like, for real?
In the middle of all of this I wrote about something very difficult: my fear of butter.
And everyone was like THIS IS SO GREAT. And I'm all, YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!
And then I was like, I should write! Duh!
But, uh, there is no money in writing.
On Wednesday I hit the Wall of Can't. What if I am never successful? What if I cannot do what I feel I am called to do which is to help people be better advocates for themselves and their families. More importantly; WHAT IF I LIVE WITH MY MOTHER FOREVER?
Then it was all HELLOOOOO Klonopoin! Benzos make everything better. Don't judge me.
Then it was like, enough with the crying and back to the hustle.
I still love my friends and I'm glad that they haven't blocked me or unfriended me or told me to get my shit together. They are far more confident in me and my talents than I am in myself.
And now it's (almost) the weekend. Can I get an AMEN?
I'll be sure to make it a good one.
(Many, many thanks to Reality TV Gifs for making it possible for me to express my feelings)