Heather L. Barmore
No Pasa Nada Heather Barmore Elsewhere About
Heather L. Barmore
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Heather Barmore
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    Change In Action at Babble Voices


    The good, the bad and the ugly


    A post in list form, because it’s Monday morning and I reserve the right to be lazy and tired on Monday mornings.

    “What are we having social hour over here? She's supposed to be being a bitch.”- Jodi, Dazed and Confused

    Good. Waking up Saturday morning and deciding that I am so fucking sick of my hair that I shaved my head. Ok, that’s what I really wish could’ve happened, but I did get it braided, which in turn will cut down my getting ready time by half. It’s like the ultimate form of laziness.

    Babysitting Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

    Ugly. Something happened on Friday that almost made me say ‘fuck blogging.’ I was pissed (and also drunk) but pretty pissed off. That is until I realized that if posting the most inane shit possible is considered news, then have at it.

    Good. There is a plus side to babysitting all weekend, it’s called making bank and it’s pretty awesome. And that Blue Mercury facial was definitely needed.

    Bad. Seriously man, my car is falling apart.

    Ugly. I may or may not have been smoking on Sunday. I may or may not feel crappy now. I may or may not regret it later.

    Good. Dazed and Confused about 47 times.

    Bad. I wish I could relive the last day of high school. It was fucking awesome.

    Ugly. I’m adding to my list of people and/or groups of people that would get a swift kick to the ass if I were to ever meet them. Added to the list are members of the following basketball teams: UNC, Kansas, Tennessee, and Iowa. You mother fuckers owe me $5 each, plus interest.

    Happy Monday party people.



    A list of grievances over the past 24 hours, which may include mention of ass cracks, flat tires, and BMWs.

    “St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time - a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic.” ~Attributed to Adrienne Cook

    I knew it would be a long evening when some man with pants well below his ass, parked on top of my car, bent down to pet a dog and I was given a nice view of his rear end. He then looked at me like I was crazy when I told him that a) he wasn’t even allowed to park there (it’s a private lot) and b) when I told him that he needed to move so that I could get on. But that’s only minor. What really irked me were the dipshits that work at Best Buy in Tenleytown, who made it quite apparent that they took English as a second language. Thus marring my exciting trip to purchase Adventures in Babysitting and Dazed and Confused for the low low price of $2.69.

    With the pasty hairy ass crack still in vivid memory, I decided to call MFP to ask about her date the night before. A nice but dicey move. I’m totally that girl. The girl that has no problem hanging up on a friend after the 10th mention of her new fuck buddy’s BMW, million dollar Alexandria home, or ‘Equinox was soooo goooood.’ I will hang up on you and not bat an eye and then maybe I’ll write about you and will refrain from ever asking about your new beau again. Though I should be happy for her as MFP – actually most of my friends – haven’t been dating any real winners. So woo hoo, he drives a BMW and he’s your boss, good luck with that.

    (I don’t recall ever stating that I am not a heinous bitch. Consider yourselves informed.)

    After that, I had a hard time doing the things that would normally cheer me up, like say grocery shopping and drinking red wine and guacamole.

    What I thought was a pristine parking job last evening, came to bite me in the ass this morning, when while rushing to a dentist appointment, I had a flat tire.

    (I really wish I hadn’t quit smoking)

    My dentist appointment was the usual. Complete with digging for gold in my gums thus causing some slight bleeding. At least that was how the hygienist put it, but it was pretty apparent that my mouth was hemorrhaging and I had easily lost a pint of blood via my gums. But other than that the teeth are in tip top shape though I’m afraid to eat anything that isn’t pureed due to severe gum pain.

    (I need to floss better. And I need alcohol. Lots of alcohol.)

    The previous time that I had acquired a flat, my tire was blown on Massachusetts Avenue, thus causing passersby to stare at me because of the horrible grinding noise my rims were making. Because obviously I need you to stop and stare, because I didn’t realize that my tire was missing. Asshats. But this time, there was no blow out, just a quick fix that cost me $12.69 and my dignity.

    Which brings us to now. Exciting life I lead huh? I just realized that over the past three days I’ve actually been working about 10 hours. Today I will leave early for personal reasons, which include drinking beer and praying to St. Patrick that Georgetown wins.

    Now go forth and enjoy the Guinness.

    Things that make me go Wheeee!

    It all started off innocently enough; pomegranate margaritas and pilfering a table from some 40 year old woman, though I maintain that I was there first. Sadly leaving my cell phone at work but tableside guacamole and tortillas can cure all. Of course you can’t have just one pomegranate margarita, you have to have three. And then being the awesome person that I am, I rush away because MUST SEE BLOGGERS. This would be a good time to mention that I’ve already proved to my ‘real’ friends that I am in fact a huge nerd who says things like “I wish we were going to Austin this week because it’s SxSW and these really cool bloggers will be there.” Loser. There’s also the minor detail of having left my cell phone at work (and Oh MY God it will be stolen and I’ll never see it again and I’ll have to buy a new $400 phone and no gorging on products at Blue Mercury. I might as well die now) which meant that I might miss Mrs. Sarsgaaaaard and nothing would be worse than that.

    Though deliciously impaired my flight to Yuca was swift and there I was greeted with hugs from EJ and my reward for wasting many hours during the day; a $15 gift card from Best Buy, which I shall use to purchase Adventures in Babysitting and Encino Man (if you make fun of me, you’ll get punched). I-66 my wallet thanks you.

    That right there is awesomeness. But you know what’s even more awesome? Seeing the wonderful Cookie which made my drunk ass so freaking happy because I thought I wasn’t going to see her. And then meeting Circle V and seeing Kathryn, who inspired me to go to Blue Mercury.

    Ok, more drinks are needed. Obviously. I look across the bar and this hot girl is giving me a come hither Heather look which leads to getting accosted and me making sure that she’s only consumed two drinks. Assured that she has in fact only had two drinks, I’m told that I was missed. Which makes me happy or maybe happier by then, because you know…wasted.

    After retrieving my drink, I get a smile and a hug from another hottie (I swear this place was full of them) and it’s Larissa and there’s a choir and joy and it’s just as I imagined how meeting her would be. Again more happiness and discussion of AV-ness…and I’m still drunk.

    Which leads to me heading towards Kathryn to make sure that Kris had already left and I’m saddened because she’s a proper adult who would leave by like 9 PM. But then there on the couch is Kris…and inevitably more accosting and she loves the cashmere and my boobs. Wheee!

    The rest of the evening is more drinking and telling Nicole that we must go joy riding in her Mini and much talk of Blue Mercury so that I can still be hot (HA!) when I grow up and lots of accosting. We loves the accosting. Oh and there was the dancing and the sad reality that not all black people can dance. Or maybe it was the alcohol, who knows.

    But the best part of the evening, which made me missing out on more pomegranate margaritas so incredibly worth it, was that when I got there, it wasn’t like I was showing up for some weird meet and greet with nametags and uncomfortable people standing around. No, I felt like I was being greeted by friends:the hugs and accosting and ass grabbing and the fact that I was missed. Lovely people who like me despite my poor sentence structure and…well…I’m just a happy hungover girl right now.