"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it." ~Charles Schulz
I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed the other evening. Saturday, I think. It read something like Baby. Baby. Baby. New House. Engagement. Pregnant. Baby. New House. House. House. Baby. I clicked a few likes and cheered people on. People I had known for what feels like forever who are now doing the things that most of our peers are doing: growing up. Being an adult. Or - as it has taken me the entirety of my late 20’s to realize - being their version of an adult which isn’t what I am and that is OK.
Last week I ran out of cat food. Knowing that I didn’t have cat food or wine, for that matter, I ran out to the liquor store. I purchased wine and an adorable bottle of Bulleit Bourbon but no cat food. Luckily I found a can and Simon was appreciative.
The next day I called my landlord about a slow moving toilet. The maintenance guy popped on by right before I left the apartment. I came home that evening after a late-ish Bikram class to a happy cat (I finally bought food) and a working toilet.
This is the kind of person I am right now. I barely remember to feed my cat let alone myself. (I’m having Cinnamon Chex for dinner tonight) I have no interest in wanting a house. As my friend Emily said the other day, “Enjoy mowing your lawn, suckers!”
I don’t want a baby right now - never mind what my body seems to want - and I have no interest in homeownership and that’s OK.
It seems so simple, right? That I should be OK with my life and where I am and what I’m doing. But it’s always the simplest things that are the most difficult to fully grasp. I’ve spent the better part of two years thinking there is something wrong with me as I compared myself to friends old and new. Perhaps I’m not living life correctly. They’re moving forward and here I am in neutral. How do I fix this?
I believe in fate and I am absurdly superstitious. I also believe that that there is a bigger, better plan and that when ‘it’ - whatever ‘it’ is - happens it happens. But for some reason I have been unable to accept my own fate. Unable to stop, breathe and take it all in because the decades go quickly and, forgive me for quoting Dave Matthews, I shall miss these things when it all rolls by. It’s true. While I am deeply fascinated by life and the sunrise/sunset of it all, I always wish for it to move quickly. I want to see what’s next before I know what is here in front of me right now.
This is my version of 29: Almost three decades to learn that I am incomparable to others. I’m OK. Everything will be OK. And I do not want to start my 30’s wishing that I could be like the person next door and never be OK with being myself. I want to be excited for what is next and to anticipate it not because of what others doing but because of what I have done and will continue to do for myself.
And tonight I’m going to go to yoga, drink wine and watch terrible television and be content with my life. All of it. Do you ever feel like the best is yet to come? I do.